The fence of mourning

At the moment, I feel to live behind the fence of mourning. My father passed a week ago and since then I’ve been moving in kind of parallel reality.  Even though I can’t cry yet, I would say it’s the beginning of a mourning phase.

There is no guaranteed recipe for mourning, because it’s an immersion into deep layers of heart and soul, which are highly individual. Of course, it will help if you are part of some religious family, that have funeral and mourning rituals rooted for millennia.

But this is not the case. I was born in the sixties in that part of the world, where believing in God automatically meant being against the ruling regime. My dad kept the unbelief until the day he passed. I found my own spiritual path, which I need to follow in my mourning, even though I feel that my father does not agree. So, I am trying to find “neutral” ways of mourning, which makes the situation worse.

Drawing and painting help me release trapped emotions. I grab the purple and green all the time, perhaps they mostly fit to my grieving mood. The mystery of purple accompanies my inner voyage to the realm of souls, the green somehow contains the earthy truth about the cycle of life. There are neither fans nor enemies, only pure truth that one has to deal with.

When I painted the barbed wire fence above, knitting rows of memories back and forward, I realized, that what looks like painful thorns today may appear like a blooming shrub in a few years. And what looks like a heavy burden today may become the seed of a future treasure.

Mourning cannot be skipped or cheated, I’m sure of that. We can choose the way, including the hope and light in the end of the mourning tunnel.

Thanks for reading, I needed to share my heart with you.

Love, Ivana

P.S. The picture is watercolor based, with final touch of black liner and colored pencils.

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Ten Commandments

Perhaps I live in a small world, naturally influenced by the culture of Central Europe where I was born, educated and where I developed my knowledge and skills. And no experience from traveling could change rooted paradigms such as the Ten Commandments are known to everyone in the world, regardless of religion. At least they exist and that it was God’s message to people, a sort of moral code.

Was it completely stupid? It looks like it.

Currently I’m discovering nooks of deviant art. Everyone knows and I’m wondering. Hey, contest? I want to participate! I have never experienced that!

So I met the Magic contest and it was the topic why I decided to submit one of my works. I chose among several favorites and the winner was the picture To be connected – full colored drawing with Hebrew manuscript of Ten Commandments. First, I like the picture so much that I have it as wallpaper. And second, I consider giving the commandments to Moses to be a great magic. Naturally it must be magic as it came from God.

Satisfied with the idea, I submitted for the contest. I didn’t expect to win the prize because I have healthy eyes and I see a tremendous amount of talent and experience of other artists. But also I didn’t expect the content could be questioned.

Today I’ve been asked for precise translation of the Hebrew manuscript to English because not everyone knows the Ten Commandments.

As if the translation could clear the overall message. Or as if any words could clear magic which was the topic of contest.

This little intermezzo turned me back to the ground. I found the translation on internet and fed a hungry dog. Additionally, I found the second version of my Ten Commandments drawing as above. Should I submit it for the contest as well? Of course with full translation! 😋

Back in an optimistic mood,

Ivana

To be connected

Following my last advice, I turn attention to the faith. Although I’m not a part of any religion officially, my heart speaks Hebrew.

I have no preconditions to it from the family, it came to me in dreams many years ago and since that I’ve confirmed a strong response of my soul and heart to the sound of the Hebrew language in various circumstances, even though I didn’t understand a single word in the beginning.

I’m still on the way of searching how to implement this fact into my daily life and not to pretend anything. Maybe I’m not fast enough and this is why the violet color sits deep in the wardrobe full of dust.

So I returned to the picture I drew a few years ago, when I was trying to catch my vision of the commandments inside of the tree of life.

I have meditated over this drawing last days and it seems to me, that each of us is a kind of smart-phone with the spiritual crown instead of antenna, constantly sending messages about true personal stuff to the whole universe with stars as transmitters.

It doesn’t matter how colorful and funny things are displayed to other people, the truth is preciously mined and sent to the attention of HaShem.

Sometimes it’s hard to believe when you get no direct answer, but the point is to keep trying and stay connected, right?

With love and apology for my Hebrew handwriting,

Ivana