Fighting with nightmare

I like to draw. I like the moment with pencils when my imagination blows out. Sometimes I have a precise intention, and sometimes I let things go to be surprised by the result. Playing with the subconscious is fun and deep at the same time.

But drawing isn’t my hobby since childhood. Of course I did draw at that time, perhaps only until school. Then the system was trying to form my skills, telling me how much wrong I was. And believe me, I was!

Luckily I had other skills to develop, so I didn’t suffer much because of drawing bad. I had other things to enjoy and erased my need to draw from the mind. Before 40, the suppressed need woke up and started to fill my hungry hole.

Sounds the story is done, right?

But I quickly discovered that although I draw happily and felt free, in fact I had avoided drawing people all the time. And if I did it, it was a real nightmare. Finally I decided to fight with it!

Since January, I have been engaged in learning how to do it. My goal is not to reach professional skills, I just want to overcome my fear and remove the obstacle of the free self-expression.

The drawing above is the last practice and I believe that the head finally got the right proportions! What do you think?

With love, Ivana

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I became a deviant!

I have to repeat it again, because I cannot believe it. I have always considered myself as a decent woman with the only deviation – love for nature and herbs. So how did it happen to become a real deviant?

Long ago, I began to think about placing my drawings in a suitable part of cyberspace. Just to have them together and perhaps to get encouragement when I need it. And maybe my drawings could provide good mood to someone else who needs a bit of optimism.

I have checked various platforms and something kept me coming back to the server that my mind aversively refused. I would call my drawings naive, childish, non-educated, too colorful, but deviant?

I fought a long inner battle with labeling and prejudice, trying to find another alternative all the time. But the group of deviants attracted me beyond my control, so I gave up last week and became one of them. Still I cannot used to hear someone called me a deviant and my drawings deviations, but I work on it.

I slowly orient myself in a new environment and re-discover the old truth that every environment is like a pot of soup. You will find nice pieces of vegetable or meat, but also a lot of dirty water. It is  up to you what to join. And I hope to be a carrot there 😊

Although I add my pictures to the gallery slowly and you probably have seen many of them already, I would like to invite you to my small deviant exhibition here.

Thanks for coming!

Ivana