What’s wrong?

I’ve been walking through the colorful landscape, accumulating sunshine of amazing Indian summer, and suddenly came to me a burden of emotions, requiring immediate drawing. Fortunately, I was ready for a similar situation, having a pencil and paper in my backpack. Sometimes it’s exhausting to use nature as a partner for spiritual conversation 😊

Still in the heart of landscape, I drew a rough sketch and was surprised how the original intention developed. My first emotional load was supplemented in a breathtaking way, which was ugly and true at the same time.

I had to draw a bigger sized picture in colors just after returning home, but nothing could change the story that screamed from the depth of my soul.

The lovely proclamations and prayers are directed to the sunflower instead of the sun and the pink lady opens heart to the whole world except to the person with whom she’s connected.

And the other person is shivering in the cold directly under sun, waiting for apology and satisfaction, instead of taking luggage and leaving the board.

Both are stuck together and both are waiting for the other to change. Nobody’s happy. What’s wrong?

I sent a question for solution to the universe and immediately got the answer. I’m going to draw it in colors, but the sketch is already done. Do you have tips what might be there? 😊

Hope you like the picture even though it’s not much about hope.

With love, Ivana

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I became a deviant!

I have to repeat it again, because I cannot believe it. I have always considered myself as a decent woman with the only deviation – love for nature and herbs. So how did it happen to become a real deviant?

Long ago, I began to think about placing my drawings in a suitable part of cyberspace. Just to have them together and perhaps to get encouragement when I need it. And maybe my drawings could provide good mood to someone else who needs a bit of optimism.

I have checked various platforms and something kept me coming back to the server that my mind aversively refused. I would call my drawings naive, childish, non-educated, too colorful, but deviant?

I fought a long inner battle with labeling and prejudice, trying to find another alternative all the time. But the group of deviants attracted me beyond my control, so I gave up last week and became one of them. Still I cannot used to hear someone called me a deviant and my drawings deviations, but I work on it.

I slowly orient myself in a new environment and re-discover the old truth that every environment is like a pot of soup. You will find nice pieces of vegetable or meat, but also a lot of dirty water. It is  up to you what to join. And I hope to be a carrot there 😊

Although I add my pictures to the gallery slowly and you probably have seen many of them already, I would like to invite you to my small deviant exhibition here.

Thanks for coming!

Ivana

Being happy

Originally, I wrote a post called “Out of Eden”, wandering if everything was great and joyful in paradise, while outside it was only sweat, blood and thistle. But then, even my drawing looked too depressing. So, I slightly changed the angle.

During last days I’ve met several people who couldn’t find their joy. It was lost and they couldn’t remember anything what would make them happy. Some of them even blamed me I wasn’t able to understand because I have so many interests – sources of happiness. At that moment, it seemed that joy was a crime. As if the existence of joy meant the absence of problems.

It didn’t make sense to explain that I feel drowned in troubles sometimes. But I insist on my right to joy anyway. I cultivate my small sources of joy everyday, because they help me to overcome mistakes and suffering that are part of everybody’s life.

Finally, I realized that medicine is not the number of interests and activities, although they can help. The most important thing is to start reacting spontaneously, freeing joy from the fortress of control and social conventions.

And the truth is, I’ve always been a little rebel in this field. I laughed at places where it didn’t fit. Sometimes it was more cramping than real joy, but smiling has been part of my life philosophy for many years. And sometimes it’s really difficult to find a smile, but it doesn’t mean I’m not trying to do it.

So, today I announce a revolt against sadness and I’m sending the picture of a crazy joy to all who want to smile at least a little.

With joy and love, Ivana

From Hate to Love

As I have already mentioned, drawing is for me a matter of emotions, something between prayer and therapy. The picture above is 5 years old, but its story is still alive and here it is.

Once upon a time I woke up with a strong feeling of hate. There was no reason, I barely opened my eyes from sleep, but the emotion was there and I had a full throat of it. The hate almost choked me up even though it had no specification. It was a pure hate without direction, the feeling itself.

I had no time to think how strange it is or why it’s happening to me. I needed to give it away quickly otherwise that emotion could destroy my whole day. So I took the color pencils into my hand and tried to vomit the hate on the paper.

There was no intention to create a drawing, nothing to say about a beautiful drawing, it was a blind and wild scribble in the beginning. But as time passed, my soul and hand calmed down, and suddenly the first hearts appeared on the paper. It was a 100% automatic drawing, so I watched with surprise what my hand was creating. It took time, but I wanted to be sure that the hate had gone.

I would say that the original scribble is no more visible under waves of beauty and love. But I know how the picture was developed and appreciate the very personal experience that love is really everywhere, even on the bottom of hate.

Ivana

To be connected

Following my last advice, I turn attention to the faith. Although I’m not a part of any religion officially, my heart speaks Hebrew.

I have no preconditions to it from the family, it came to me in dreams many years ago and since that I’ve confirmed a strong response of my soul and heart to the sound of the Hebrew language in various circumstances, even though I didn’t understand a single word in the beginning.

I’m still on the way of searching how to implement this fact into my daily life and not to pretend anything. Maybe I’m not fast enough and this is why the violet color sits deep in the wardrobe full of dust.

So I returned to the picture I drew a few years ago, when I was trying to catch my vision of the commandments inside of the tree of life.

I have meditated over this drawing last days and it seems to me, that each of us is a kind of smart-phone with the spiritual crown instead of antenna, constantly sending messages about true personal stuff to the whole universe with stars as transmitters.

It doesn’t matter how colorful and funny things are displayed to other people, the truth is preciously mined and sent to the attention of HaShem.

Sometimes it’s hard to believe when you get no direct answer, but the point is to keep trying and stay connected, right?

With love and apology for my Hebrew handwriting,

Ivana

Taste of colors

Have you ever wondered how the colors smell and taste? I am sure they have their own energy that is not easy to exactly perceive, but we can play with associations. I will take a risk and show my inner self by giving you an example.

Red, when I close my eyes and ask for red, I feel the blood – wet and sticky blood with ferocious taste on my tongue. Something bleeds and calls the fragility on the border between life and death. My second attempt for red was juicy fruits of red color with a large amount of seed inside. This time life and fertility have beaten death 😋 But still I feel a kind of potential danger in red. It might taste great, I stay in alert.

Yellow. I smell the freshness of the lemon, but its sour taste is balanced by a ton of honey. Sweet and fresh sour mixed together, that’s how I taste the yellow. Yellow is the light why I’m not afraid to go to a dark cellar.  Yellow is the tool through which I can see the truth, even it could bring a huge shock.

Blue is an ocean at night, wide and deep, full of dark secrets. I feel how cold and wet the blue is. Anyway, for me the blue doesn’t represent the purity because I’m fully aware of millions microorganism living there. Plus I feel the salinity inside of blue and each grain of salt means the impurity which separates sterility from viable environment, with too high salinity of death on the opposite side. For me, the blue brings the alchemy of living environment or better to say how much secrets and impurities are acceptable in our lives.

Orange is a sun for me. I feel friendly sunshine on my skin or even a hot sunny day in the middle of desert. Orange is always smiling in my imagination, enjoying every second of life. Orange is fun, a sense of humor, a celebration of life alone and with friends. Orange is a must otherwise you would fall into sadness or depression.

Violet makes me feel lavender in the old cabinet, in which the spiritual robe hangs and only lavender prevents moths from destroying it. In my image the violets is full of grey as if the dust covered the spirituality.

And finally green, this is the place where I can freely run and truly be who I am. I smell all the shades of the forest, the resin of the conifers that improves my breathing and breaks the boundaries of my options in life. Inside of green, I can always touch my heart and read what is written inside.

So, this is my honest imagination of colors at the moment, I’m staying naked in front of you.  I’ll tell you next time how to read it, how to detect a possible problem and how to bring some harmony into it. Would you like to guess? Feel free to write comments, I’m curious. And if you like to share your imagination through colors, I will be honored.

With love, Ivana

How does your inner goddess look like?

I was pretty sure that the inner goddess is a beautiful lady in many variations, but always with kind of dignity because she is a goddess! But recently I draw a picture for my friend, trying to sense her inner goddess, and I was surprised by the picture that appeared to me.

The goddess really enjoyed inline skating, having the rest area in the middle of lotus flower, fueling the strong OOOOOOHHHHHHMMMMM.

My attempt to draw it doesn’t reach the atmosphere of the original perception, but I tried. Happy birthday, Jitka!

And how about you my friends, how does your inner goddess look like? What is she wearing and what is she doing now? Does she look happy? Does she need you to play with her?

Oh, my goddess is sad at the moment, I have to come back to her, so goodbye for now! 👋

With love, Ivana