Musical skill

I’ve never played a musical instrument as I don’t have musical talent. I can’t even recognize a song by music, my only guide are words – if I catch them.

Since childhood, my singing has been more chanting. So I was told to just pretend singing and not spoil the fun of others. I was successful in all so call important school subjects and I couldn’t do something as simple as singing!

I ran from music to the books and remained loyal to them. They have their own rhythm and can also evoke strong emotions and stimulate imagination. When I am inside a book, I often realize a lot of things that the author didn’t write, but it still pops up from the pages. As if it was meant right for me, right for the moment. That’s why I consider reading books more intimate than an intellectual matter.

And do I miss music in my life? I wouldn’t say so. From my point of view it’s impossible to miss what you are not capable appreciate. What do you think?

So far I’m happy with the substitution the little smart girl came with.

Love and hugs,

Ivana

Seasons

People complain how much rain we have this year, especially in summer. I feel rebellious because I love it! After two three hot and dry seasons I finally feel alive. And how much living and green is around! It’s a real pleasure to walk and watch.

Despite my body doesn’t work properly at outside temperatures close to 30°C (86 F), it emotionally crushes me when I see in my non-desert area cracked ground, brown grass and dried fruits before ripening. Every tree and shrub begs for a drop of water which I have in my backpack for refreshment even on short walks. This has been repeated for the past few years as the groundwater level has dropped to an all-time low. My heart was bleeding because of it, while most people enjoyed sunny holiday – or until pandemic they did.

That made me think about the weather and the climate. Earlier, I used to consider a weather conversation was a kind of small talk and a big climate declaration was a kind of political bullshit. But times change, people evolve. Now I feel much more connected to nature. Not because it is fashionable, but simply because that’s how my life journey developed.

I’m happy to live in a temperate climate zone, where the seasons still rotate and where, with some exceptions, summer temperatures are tolerable for my body setting. I love that diversity!

Which weather or climate zone do you prefer and why?

Love and hug,

Ivana

Being a winner

Most people like to feel like a winner, at least from time to time. For some, a small victory on a daily basic is sufficient, others need to accumulate wealth or climb the highest mountains in the world. The greater the risk, the greater victory and often also pride.

Folk psychology says “Feel like a winner and you will get it”.

But is it that easy for everyone? Being a winner means leaving a number of losers behind. And many people are not willing to give the loser’s label to the others, because they used to get them too often earlier. They may have a traumatic experience with a so-called winner, who climbed on the backs of others, often by humiliating them.

Being a winner in a healthy way means to remain humble and supportive to all who have allowed him to win. And always take into account feelings of the losers behind.

So I painted a fake winner, who is blinded by his own glow. One could see a winner whose glory extends to heaven or a gilded dummy in the backyard in front of a poorly painted wall. It’s up to you 🙂

I would like to meet just a few fake winners and a lot of sensitive ones. Then it would be nice to join them.

Love and hugs to both, winners and losers!

Ivana

Dreaming

We’ve been living with pandemic for a year and it doesn’t seem to be better. Hospitals are about to collapse, even young people are dying, only the virus happily survives in new mutations.

From many reasons our little country is having a hard time just now. We are probably facing a strict lockdown in a few days. Listening to the bad news made me dream about the coming spring and my walks among flowers.

Until politicians find agreement on the lockdown’s terms, I will keep my dreaming. I need walks outside, even if I have to wear a top-class respirator on my face. Which became a reality since today.

Anyway, I hope to use my boots for walking not for gardening.

Stay healthy!

Love and hugs,

Ivana

Still alive!

Although I’m still going through a lot of internal changes, I don’t stop creating. I have to create just as I have to breathe. I just forget to share the results.

First of all, I discovered a new brand of sock yarn, which fascinated me with quality and beautiful patterns. In combination with a single color yarn I improve the original patterns even more (hopefully). I have no evidence, as I hurried to give the finished socks to the right friends.

However, I keep knitting. Currently, I have a brutal color combination on the needles, but it will fit to my new shoes perfectly.

At the same time, I went through another wave of soap mania. Since September, I have been creating one soap after another. Tiny batches, different recipes. I discovered a passion for soaps with deep earthy energy. My top three include walnut soap, rosehip with cloves and cinnamon, and rosemary with cocoa. No essential oils, just careful work with basic herbs and plants.

For the first time, I also experimented with adding dairy products into soap. I was excited by the silky consistency when I used whey. Goat or cow, both are fine, but I prefer liquid not dried whey.

In my last recipe I used goat kefir, which fit perfectly with the chamomile inside. I can’t wait for the soap to ripen and I’ll wrap myself in the soft foam of it.

Last, but not least obsession is painting on t-shirts. I caught the second breath. Perhaps I will please some good souls with a nice gift.

By the way, taking picture of a white t-shirt is a worse nightmare than the whole painting!

Hoping you have beautiful autumn. Stay strong, creative and healthy!

With love, Ivana

The fence of mourning

At the moment, I feel to live behind the fence of mourning. My father passed a week ago and since then I’ve been moving in kind of parallel reality.  Even though I can’t cry yet, I would say it’s the beginning of a mourning phase.

There is no guaranteed recipe for mourning, because it’s an immersion into deep layers of heart and soul, which are highly individual. Of course, it will help if you are part of some religious family, that have funeral and mourning rituals rooted for millennia.

But this is not the case. I was born in the sixties in that part of the world, where believing in God automatically meant being against the ruling regime. My dad kept the unbelief until the day he passed. I found my own spiritual path, which I need to follow in my mourning, even though I feel that my father does not agree. So, I am trying to find “neutral” ways of mourning, which makes the situation worse.

Drawing and painting help me release trapped emotions. I grab the purple and green all the time, perhaps they mostly fit to my grieving mood. The mystery of purple accompanies my inner voyage to the realm of souls, the green somehow contains the earthy truth about the cycle of life. There are neither fans nor enemies, only pure truth that one has to deal with.

When I painted the barbed wire fence above, knitting rows of memories back and forward, I realized, that what looks like painful thorns today may appear like a blooming shrub in a few years. And what looks like a heavy burden today may become the seed of a future treasure.

Mourning cannot be skipped or cheated, I’m sure of that. We can choose the way, including the hope and light in the end of the mourning tunnel.

Thanks for reading, I needed to share my heart with you.

Love, Ivana

P.S. The picture is watercolor based, with final touch of black liner and colored pencils.

Bubbles

Washing hands made me think about bubbles. Zero weight bubbles have the ability to bring us help in many forms.

I remember how we enjoyed creating bubbles through a straw from a cup of water with a drop of detergent that mom gave us to keep calm for washing dishes. It means she played with bubbles in her adult way, while we children admired the flying balls, reflecting all the colors of the rainbow. And of course, we tried to catch them. I can still hear our laugh in the garden.

Bubbles in the bath are also great. They create a light and even aromatic cushion into which you can bury your head and body, and there are still plenty of bubbles left to play if you want. You can enjoy it in various moods as a child, lonely or relaxing adult, or even in groups of two or more.

Remaining with literal meaning of bubbles, there is their enormous value in washing and cleaning disciplines of all kinds. Anyone who has ever tried to wash or clean anything with and without bubbles knows the truth about the difference.

But we also make no detergent bubbles. How often have you heard the sentence “Close yourself into a bubble to feel safe”? So we follow the trend. Keeping our inner self safe among billions people, we live in bubbles, losing real contact with real others.

Today’s paradox is that our mandatory isolation has helped a number of bubbles burst. As if the face mask replaced the bubble and people discovered what had not been seen before.

The Covid-19 virus is also kind of bubble inside a pandemic bubble, and works against us as well as for us.

It’s up to each of us which bubbles to choose and how to deal with them. Personally, I’m going to find a straw and return to the bubbles of childhood, to the bubbles full of rainbow.

Enjoy bubbles and share which bubbles you love or prefer, thanks!

Hug and love,  Ivana

Regarding watercolor painting, I was so focused on the bubbles that I thought about the rest only after I painted them. That’s why the dark background painted later made me crazy and additionally stole the original lightness and round shape of the bubbles. Now, they look more like snowballs than bubbles. But one learns through mistakes, right?

Being a stranger

Do you ever think you don’t understand anything as if you’re on the planet for the first day? People seem to speak a weird language and want bizarre things, even from you!

Then I’m back in the little girl’s shoes, clueless and naive, pure blond and pink.

Because of the virus, we don’t live in standard circumstances, it is clear enough. But what some can make up to take advantage at the expense of the others, it took my breath away. In various forms, they grow like mushrooms after rain, considering themselves clever and others as fools.

Remaining a fool, I seek my balance in nature, where wisdom is still stable, hopefully.

Warm greetings to all who are still human and do not become hyenas.

Hug and love,

Ivana

P.S. Regarding my beginner’s watercolor painting, I’ve got a good advice today – less effort could bring a better result. I’ll try to implement it next time 🙂

Coffee

I stopped drinking coffee more than 15 months ago, but I still dream about it. I still feel its tempting scent and still imagine its full and bitter taste. If you ask what is black hell and great heaven at the same time, my clear answer is coffee!

To feed my watercolor practice while satisfying the virtual coffee addiction, I tried to paint it. Staying home due to the virus becomes more bearable.

Hope you are doing well. Happy Holidays!
Love, Ivana

Miracles of the Light

Light was a first act of G*d creating the earth and living on it.

Light is an essential for most living creatures. It’s a part of nutrition without which we suffer and die. 

Light is a symbol of hope. It’s a lighthouse in the stormy waters of life, leading our steps to safety. 

Light attracts living beings and brings them to socialize and create community. 

Light helps to measure time and set milestones between seasons. 

Light phenomena in the sky were often a subject of various prophecies. 

Whether we call it Solstice, Hanukkah or Christmas, now it’s the right time to celebrate miracles of the light. 

Enjoy it!

Ivana