The fence of mourning

At the moment, I feel to live behind the fence of mourning. My father passed a week ago and since then I’ve been moving in kind of parallel reality.  Even though I can’t cry yet, I would say it’s the beginning of a mourning phase.

There is no guaranteed recipe for mourning, because it’s an immersion into deep layers of heart and soul, which are highly individual. Of course, it will help if you are part of some religious family, that have funeral and mourning rituals rooted for millennia.

But this is not the case. I was born in the sixties in that part of the world, where believing in God automatically meant being against the ruling regime. My dad kept the unbelief until the day he passed. I found my own spiritual path, which I need to follow in my mourning, even though I feel that my father does not agree. So, I am trying to find “neutral” ways of mourning, which makes the situation worse.

Drawing and painting help me release trapped emotions. I grab the purple and green all the time, perhaps they mostly fit to my grieving mood. The mystery of purple accompanies my inner voyage to the realm of souls, the green somehow contains the earthy truth about the cycle of life. There are neither fans nor enemies, only pure truth that one has to deal with.

When I painted the barbed wire fence above, knitting rows of memories back and forward, I realized, that what looks like painful thorns today may appear like a blooming shrub in a few years. And what looks like a heavy burden today may become the seed of a future treasure.

Mourning cannot be skipped or cheated, I’m sure of that. We can choose the way, including the hope and light in the end of the mourning tunnel.

Thanks for reading, I needed to share my heart with you.

Love, Ivana

P.S. The picture is watercolor based, with final touch of black liner and colored pencils.

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Playing with the Elements, Part 4 – Earth

Earth is the result of all previous elements. It is a solid mass with internal structure and growing potential. Even if it’s cold on the surface, there is always a hot core inside. Like the planet and its hot magma.

Meeting rules, discipline and responsibility usually means meeting the cold surface of the Earth. We don’t like them, trying to get fruits of results even without them. Or we tend to take too much discipline and responsibility, trying to improve what is natural. In the first case, you see the effort to jump directly into the hot core without protective suit and suitable skills, while in the second case you see the effort to wear too thick protection that prevents access to heat. And the most important lesson of the Earth element is to learn how to balance it.

Growth belongs to the Earth for sure. Depending on the project, the growth can be microscopic or giant. Viability of the Earth is measured by growth not by the result in absolute value. So don’t be hungry for too much, the healthy growth must be reasonable.

The first and necessary condition for the growth is the roots. We easily understand if we talk about plants. But talking about the roots of us, we need to consider our own history on personal, family and/ or national level. Before we change anything, we need to accept our origins without hesitation. Then our roots are healthy and we can get a bigger harvest with less effort.

Harvest is the golden point of the Earth element. And it doesn’t matter if you want to harvest grain, money, children or houses. Always you need to follow specific rules and invest each of previous elements. And because we are all unique, there is no exact recipe how to proceed and how much to add. We have to try and learn from our own mistakes.

Talking about the harvest, there is another important lesson. Do not eat the whole crop and always save a part of it as a seed. Taking care about seeds is the promise of future harvest. And that’s why the protection of women and children is important.

So, how the element cycle works? First, we need a flame of interest and feed it with wood and oxygen, and later build a shelter for it.  Oxygen means Air and Air means thinking, moving and socializing. At this stage, we feed the original interest with information, share it with other people and flexibly adjust it. The warning point – don’t lose the origin because of too many influences. If you decide to give up, return and find another flame of interest. But be sure it is your flame and no one else.

Once you have your own flame with enough oxygen, let it bubble into the water. Water means emotions, dreams, intuition and time. Don’t hurry, let your heart and inner voice comment and slowly adjust. Don’t forget that water is lazy and quiet. You cannot listen while loudly thinking. Water often speaks through images or music, so don’t expect the same language like from the mind. Be alone with your project for a while. Let it sit and be sure on the level of water before you continue.

Then recheck that your original flame of interest is still alive, keep feeding it by appropriate amount of oxygen, and keep honesty of your emotions about it.

Pour this blend to the potential of your roots, and with regular work and patience you should harvest enough. Most of the harvest is for eating and living, you deserve to celebrate the success. Never skip the celebration! And part of the harvest is the wood and shelter for another flame of your interest. It is the seed for future.

And this is how the cycle works. Once you understand the steps and the order of them, you can apply it to anything in your life.

I would appreciate your questions or comments.

With love,

Ivana

In case you missed Playing with the Elements, Part 3 – Water, Playing with the Elements, Part 2 – Air, Playing with the Elements, Part 1 – Fire

 

Happy birthday!

In these days, a lot of my friends celebrate their birthday and unlike previous years, I will not have the opportunity to celebrate with them. Life is a continuous evolution, and there is nothing more to do than to accept it. So, even at a distance, happy birthday to all of you!

I was born in the Scorpio sign as well, and my birthday is coming next Saturday. As always, around my birthday, I feel some change of energy flow in my life. It is an undefined tension, like when you have a tremor before the show. I have already learned to accept it as a fact and not to worry about it.

But still I am the person of many questions and I like to discover at least the clue to a hidden mystery. Due to a regularity of the energy flow changes around my birthday I have been looking for answers or explanations. The pattern of numbers and tarot cards gives me a kind of understanding what is hidden beneath.

Now, I am going to enter the energy of the Hanged man in the big cycle of Lovers. Briefly it means the energy of dead ends in the area of relationships. Yes, it helps me to accept zero celebrations with my friends this year. And I have felt the necessity to change my friends’ portfolio for some time, but I am a conservative person who doesn’t like to lose what cares about. But again, life is an evolution and we cannot keep everything to block the stream.

The Hanged man card contains a message. You see the world upside down and you have to change your angle of view radically to heal yourself. It is useless to continue on the same path because it doesn’t lead to anywhere. That would be head against the wall.

And this is something difficult to accept, even though I am well aware that the Hanged man card is the shadow that precedes release and abundance. There must to be a sacrifice to bring the result. This is a historical formula that can be applied up today. But still it hurts.

And that’s why my mood is not cheerful and my post lacks a joke. I hope it will improve soon!

But still with love,

Ivana

The Elixir of Youth

The fall is definitely coming. It’s not just the morning mist, but also a lot of ripening fruit on the trees all around. You see the branches laden by fruits as they bend to the ground like the elder people often do. And both are full of experience and perhaps full of wisdom.

In my opinion, there are two most attractive seasons in nature – spring and fall. You can easily compare spring to the freshness and innocence of youth, and fall to the maturity and experience of the old age. Even the colors could bear this comparison – bright, fresh and vibrant colors in the spring and heavy and earthy colors in the fall. We can take an example.

Some time ago, I wrote about the elder (Sambucus nigra) at the time of its youth when it was in full bloom, I called it Elderflower Princess. The proud and cheerful girl now became a modest and wise old woman. The royal blood still circulates in her veins, but she has no need to demonstrate. In dust around the roads she patiently awaits those who know or are interested to know her quality. And there are plenty of them!

The most common and probably the most pleasant way how to consume elderberries is syrup. I do not exaggerate too much if I call it the elixir of youth. Sugar kicks the energy up and the fruit makes the energy better circulating throughout the body. A wide range of vitamins and minerals makes the body more resistant to virus and bacteria attacks, a small amount of sedative terpenes helps to calm tired nerves. Elderberries are among the most powerful antioxidants, it means they strongly prevent healthy cells from harmful effects. They keep us as young as possible.

It is easy to remember: the fruit of Elder protects our body from being much elder.

I wish you happy and rich harvest!

With love, Ivana

Wild Rose: Beauty among thorns

Looking at the wild rose bush I see the life cycle of nature – four seasons, birth and death, innocence and experience.

Starting in winter, surrounded by crunchy white snow, you see small red fruits full of vitamins and nutrients how they invite hungry birds for lunch. Also for humans are rosehips useful in winter, they help against cold and flu. And of course, they are the promise of a new beginning, surviving drops of blood in the icy age.

With spring days on the bush start to sprout green leaves and shortly after them sprout blooms in various shades of pink. From almost virginal white to deep purple they symbolize different stages in a woman’s life. Regardless of the age, the woman is always surrounded by thorns.

Have you notice, that on the bush always remain some fruits from the last year? They are shriveled like an old woman’s face and they probably transfer the old woman’s experience “how to survive among thorns” to the next generation.

In summer, the bush loses pink skirts of petals and it comes time of motherhood, time of fruits. Rain and heat help to growth, sunlight changes color from green to orange-red.

And finally now in autumn, the miracle is finished, the fruits are ready for harvest. I like to have enough for winter tea; its orange color reminds me warm summer days additionally to the healing effects.

I put part of the harvest into vodka to prepare excellent drink for our traditional Scorpions birthday party. I do it either in sweet and sour or in spicy pepper taste. Both are really delicious, highly recommended.

I have a small part of the harvest also for cosmetic purposes. I love to make and use soft facial soap with wild rose fruits’ extract. Due to huge amount of vitamins and antioxidants the soap is very kind to mature skin. It seems to me as if the soap compensates the thorns, experienced by skin in the run of life.

There are many tips how to use rosehips, what is your favorite?

I wish you successful harvest! But be sure to leave some fruits on the bush for hungry birds in winter.